This is the New Year.

1 Jan

I always think the New Year will feel like something magical.  Like I’m an etch-a-sketch with lines all over me from the previous year; and then the New Year comes and shakes me clean.  That’s what I want.  I want everything to be gone and for the “new” in New Year to be transformative.

But you have to make it meaningful if you want it to hold any power.  Especially when you stay home with your kids all the time (or always do the same thing nearly every, single day of the year with very few exceptions); the days all run into each other and slide into weeks and then months and suddenly a year has passed and what even happened?  This is my experience, anyway.  So the beginning of another year is just another day.  Unless I make myself see it as anything else.

What does a new year mean?  Usually people take it as a chance to start over, get a fresh start, yadda yadda.  Basically, it’s meaningless.  Right?  I mean, I start over every day.  I have to.  Because, unless I just had a (EXTREMELY RARE) stellar day, the next day’s always my chance to start over.  I’m always starting over.  And over.  And over, and over, and over.  Until the day all my kids move out and I sleep for 1 million days straight and wake up to grandkids who I spoil rotten and feed ice cream every chance I get (I’m looking at you, Mimi).  And then I start over again, there, too.

So, maybe I’ll come up with some “goals” to “achieve” this year.  They’d be pretty boring.  I’m pretty boring right now in life.  I’m such a Debbie Downer; my goals are like, “get out of bed at least most days, probably; but if you don’t, that’s okay, too.”  No, I have some things I want to work on this year.  My biggest hope is to grow as a parent and person.

Is that too vague?  I mostly want to stop screaming at my kids.  I want to work on controlling myself when I lose my temper.  I want to continue to find out what I’m interested in and pursue those things.  I want to find quiet times to reflect and pray and just be silent with my thoughts.  I want to be alive and happy about it.  I want to keep trying.

So, here’s to the New Year; even if it isn’t any different.


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