A day.

26 Aug

I want to say that today was bad.  That it was harder than usual.  That tomorrow will be not as bad.  To be optimistic.  

But it’s not going to happen.  Today was how the last couple months have been:  draining, daunting, and seemingly endless.  Full of me losing my temper, lots of crying (not from me… today), and just everything I deem horrible right now:  messes, sticky hands, constant question asking, fighting, dry kidney beans all over the floor.  I’m  having a hard time finding the positives in life right now.

Zoe is having a hard time adjusting to Boaz, and I’m having a hard time adjusting to her adjustment period.  She’s regressed in just about every area– including, within the last couple weeks, potty training!  Hurray!  What I thought would be the last straw for me is just another hay bale strapped to my back.  No big deal.  I don’t know how to connect with her; and, when I try to read different ideas or gather ones from friends/wiser folks and implement them, I just want to jump off our roof.  Part of the problem is me:  I have a hard time keeping a stiff upper lip and try, try again-ing.  Part of it is nothing seems to work.  But, after reading this, I started trying to hold her when she’s upset instead of sending her away from me.  That doesn’t seem to “work” (like, stop the screaming), but I’m willing to try that to help her feel like I don’t hate her when she cries.  So I count that as the only positive thing I’ve learned.  (But if you have advice, consider this as solicitation.  I accept any and all advice at this time.)

Right now is a hard time.  I’m not convinced it’ll ever end, though, which is starting to take it’s emotional wear.  I’ve now started my smart coping technique of picking fights with Joe.  Genius, I know.  But heaven forbid I start crying because of how scared and sad I feel right now because of my flipping 4 year old.  UGH.  

I have so much more to say about this, but I’m too tired.  Please figure out a solution for me, and then come in my home and make it work.  KTHXBIEEEE.

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