Archive | March, 2013

Pregnancy Hiatus

21 Mar

That’s what I’m calling the time between now and whenever it was that I last blogged: a “pregnancy hiatus.” I’ve been really busy being pregnant, wouldn’t you know?

It takes an incredible amount of work to do anything. Like get out of bed. Or not throw up a bunch. Oh, and take care of two kids. All the time. They never go away. Okay, on the weekends they go to their grandparents’, so they kind of go away for a little bit most weeks.

So I’m here now, listening to my kids eat their lunch in front of the TV and do whatever else they’re doing while I’m not paying them much attention, and I felt like I would write something.

Something about how horrible I feel or how it’s been really hard and doesn’t seem to have any hope of ending (even though the end of pregnancy is quickly approaching). Or how if this is some kind of test of stamina or perseverance or strength or faith or anything else, that I have undeniably failed. How I feel a lot of guilt (STILL, ALWAYS) about hating pregnancy when I can get pregnant and stay pregnant so easily and labor normally and have healthy, fat babies when I know plenty of people don’t get to experience that. How our house is a constant mess and the floors haven’t been mopped in… months, at least… and there’s dust and dirt all over the place and stickers on the floor and the couch is dirty and everything is just a mess all of the time.

But also how I’m excited about this little baby boy growing inside me. And, other than what I deem “pregnancy/puking depression”, I’ve been the most emotionally prepared for this baby than either of my other two. How this is what I thought pregnancies were supposed to be like in that respect, but I’d yet to get to feel this way before. (And that makes me feel a little guilty too, of course.)

I guess you can tell I’m home without another adult to share my feelings with, and, well, I just feel bad. So now the whole world can know and maybe it won’t be quite as bad.

I just feel like