Day 197

15 Jul

I sometimes wonder why, at the end of the day, I feel so brain dead.  Like I can barely function.  And I feel like I’ve done so little during the day.  But I think all day long.  About… so many things right now.

Like:

  • Food.  What should we spend our money on?  How do we decide?  What’s best for us right now?
  • Kids.  Do we want more?  Should we wait?  How long should we wait?  How long do I want to wait?  Are my kids developing okay?  Have I damaged them already?  (Probably!)  Is Zoe ever going to calm down?!
  • Husband.  Just… yeah.
  • Faith.  What do I believe?  Why?  Does it make sense to me still?  What doesn’t make sense anymore?  Why?  What conclusion can I now draw that I couldn’t before?  Why do I dislike going to church so much right now?
  • Chickens.  Should we?  Shouldn’t we?  Will we?  Won’t we?

At times I feel I could fill novels with the thoughts that run through my head on a given day.  It’s tiring.  I’d like to stop.  But, whatevs.  I am what I am; and, right now, it’s tiring being me.

 

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