Day 162

10 Jun

I took an unannounced/unexpected hiatus for the week. I suppose that throws me out of the 365 club, technically, but I’m just going to keep going with it. I just got tired of doing this half-assed here and took a break from it. Although, I’m probably returning in a half-assed way and will continue not really knowing what to say or whatever, but I am back to trying to post every day. Which is so stupidly hard.

So what did I do with my week off from blogging?  Mostly read instead of taking the 15 minutes it takes me to write a post.  And what did I read?  I read the first two books in the Divergent trilogy (think Young Adult fiction set in the not-so-distant future in dystopian Chicago).  I’m pretty obsessed with YA fiction right now, and it’s mostly because of the romance angle in the books.  No sex + highly emotional + conflicted (because of xyz) + 16-year-old protagonist = my kind of romance.  And… I think I just remember feeling like that all the time; like everything is sincerely and literally the most important thing in the world, and I will surely die if I don’t do whatever it is that I just have to do.  I am still like that in a lot of ways, which is another reason I love YA lit.

And, this might sound funny, I’ve actually had a deeper insight into my relationship with Joe through reading these book and the Hunger Games series.  I don’t know why these books did this when I’ve read countless stories with romance, but they did.  I realized that I’m still really scared of loving Joe fully and with everything I have; I still hide a lot of myself from him because I’m scared; I have kept up the same wall with him that I have up with everyone else (and with God); and I really don’t know how to change it other than to keep doing things I’m scared of (like miss him when he’s not around, and tell him I love him, and open myself up when I think that if I do I will die).

So that’s basically what I did this week:  became further aware of what a scared person I am.  Oh, and decided that I want to have a vow renewal ceremony next year.  More on that later. 🙂

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2 Responses to “Day 162”

  1. Jessica June 10, 2012 at 6:20 pm #

    You know what? We’re all scared – of many different things and more scared at some times than others. I think that’s so normal!

    And I love the idea of doing a vow renewal ceremony – we’ve talked about doing that in the future as well! How romantic : ) I hope you all do it!

  2. Bridget June 10, 2012 at 10:51 pm #

    I so totally, shamefully agree. I identified with Katniss way, way more than any self-respecting adult should admit to on the internet. Also shameful? I’ve been (re?)reading the harry potter books. I have cried way more than I think is really socially acceptable, but now that both my parents are dead I associate with him even more than when I was an angsty tween and actually supposed to be associating with him. There’s some horrible weird mix of nostalgia and hopefulness when you read YA fic as an adult. But I’m glad I’m not the only person doing it 🙂

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