Day 129

8 May

So today I’ve decided to be incredibly personal and talk about trying to lose weight.  Because I am and because, I don’t know, it’s all I have on my mind to share right now.

Anyway, it’s hard.  And I don’t seem to be very good at it.  And I get discouraged eas-i-ly.  Gain 4 pounds that’s probably water?  Eat a tub of ice cream.  Eat fast food and feel bad about it?  Eat cookie dough.  Have a crappy workout and don’t feel very accomplished?  French fries.  So, as you can see, my emotional eating really gets in the way of being healthy (which, in this case, is just an euphemism for losing weight).

And as much as I’d like to say I’m motivated by health and wellness, seriously I just am over being a little butterball turkey.  Blah blah blah looks don’t matter blah blah blah.  Whatever.  I get preoccupied with weight pretty easily too because I come from a long line of weight-fixaters.  My grandma, who’ll be 76 this year, still constantly talks about her (and my grandpa’s, and my cousins’, and my mom’s, and my) weight.  “I lost 15 pounds, but gained it back… Maybe I’ll lose weight soon… blah blah blah.”  Which makes me focus on trying to not think too much about my weight or make that an indicator of who I am or how successful I am, but I simply don’t like being a bratwurst.  So weight-loss here I go.

I’ll hopefully never talk about it again as I don’t want anyone to think of “weight” and “Adella” in the same sentence, but it is something that’s going on.  So whatever.

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