Day 80

20 Mar

The other day, I was thinking about how many things I haven’t done purely out of fear.  I wonder how different things would be if I had done even a couple of the bigger things that I skipped out on because I was too scared to even try.

If I had:  gone to China for the summer one year in college; or auditioned to do music education at Ball State; or played in the jazz band at IUPUI; or broken up with Joe when I thought I should; or applied to University of Illinois; or stayed at Ball State; or tried out for plays; or gone to dances; or just been myself.

I want to say I’m done being scared; I’m beyond that now.  But I’m not.  I probably never will be.  But I am done not doing anything because I’m scared I won’t be good at it.

I want to:  grow some of our food this summer; and raise chickens for eggs; and keep bees for honey; and go gluten- and sugar- and, possibly, dairy-free (and maybe, if I feel like it, do the GAPS intro diet…); and write songs with Joe and sing even if I can’t do it perfectly; and read books I don’t understand entirely and look up the words I don’t know; and maybe swim laps (but I might secretly hate that); and try to worship and be the spiritual person I feel like being.  AND apply to grad school.

I think it is past the time to simply survive and just barely make it through the day; it’s time to dream and wonder and hope for something outside of myself.

 

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3 Responses to “Day 80”

  1. Mallorie March 20, 2012 at 8:00 pm #

    Go you!

  2. Faith March 21, 2012 at 12:29 pm #

    Awesome!

  3. rebekahkayosborn March 22, 2012 at 6:41 am #

    Yeah! I’ve been realizing I haven’t been dreaming, either. And when we don’t dream, I seriously think our brains and hearts are a little bit dead.

    YAY dreaming! Go Adella!

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