Day Schfixty!

29 Feb

Can you believe it?And now you will read this post in his voice, too

Dear Adella’s Dad:
Adella has talked about things being hard, and I think I feel half-and-half about it: sometimes I feel like things are hard, and I feel weary, and sometimes I feel like its all about my attitude and perspective, and just keeping a stiff upper lip.

I always tend to think about other cultures and time periods when things get tough. I know it’s nay good to compare myself with others, but I seem drawn to reflect on what life must be like for others (at least in my judgment). Life for so many people is hard… harder, I would think, than my life. And I wonder how these people go on? I suppose people used to die a lot earlier; that would really help. Knowing that I’ll most likely live till I’m 80 isn’t exciting. It’s like saying, “Good news everyone, you get to suffer twice as long.”

So what’s the deal? Is life hard because my expectations of it are that it should be easy? Is taking care of kids hard because I secretly expect them to leave me alone and not be loud and poopy? Is working as a server hard because I secretly resent people putting “demands” on my time and space, or because I can’t focus on working when I have to “socialize” at the same time?  Or am I just very weak, a young man who coasted through high school and college and is now forced to grow up and learn how to endure?

Life being hard is one thing. Not knowing how to process the hardness is another. Not knowing what to do with the pain makes that pain an uneasy sore, like a little pachinko ball that pounces around frenetically trying to escape, but you can’t let it escape because you don’t know how to make an opening for it.  Weightlifting is hard but that’s because it’s supposed to be, and because you know you are making the pain for the gain. Lifelifting is a totally different story because you aren’t always making the pain, and half the time when you are you don’t know it.

I find some dim hope in knowing that suffering has a reward, and that all of the above is all part of the human condition of suffering (both the pain proper and the pain of not knowing what to do about it). I’m the kind of guy who normally looks at this process and deems it totally pointless, worthless, a fool’s game, a wild goose chase. But now it seems clear from Scripture that we are exhorted to shoulder burdens and carry them for the reward at the end, that there is something intrinsically “worth it” about enduring hardship, that the true fool is not the one who suffers but the one who gives it up.

But deep in my psyche I still don’t see the point of all that suffering.
So how bout that money, pops?

JM

 

p.s.: “Isn’t this that machine that makes noses?” “It does other things! Why shouldn’t it?”

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: