Day 44

13 Feb

Dear Dad,

Today’s Monday, but I usually have a very hard time remembering what day it is anymore.  I feel very much like I do the same thing every day; the only thing that changes is whether Joe is home or not.  I keep meaning to set goals for myself so that I can see that I do, in fact, do something with my life other than just watch it drain away from my body.  But I never seem to make that list or even try to think of it.  

What should I do?  A “25 before 25”?  Or a “30 before 30”?  I’ll be 25 in June; does that even mean anything?  Should I be somewhere that I’m not?  Should I be someone that I’m not?  I know that if you were to ask me at 19 where I thought I’d be at 24, this place that I’m at now wouldn’t have even entered my mind.  No way.  

But I try to be content, or at least pretend to reprimand myself for not being satisfied.  I still push so many feelings out of the way that it’s hard to say how I really do feel about me.  Maybe I’ll think about it one day soon; maybe it’ll have to be drug out of me.  

Here I am:  not where I thought I’d be nor who I wanted to be; but it doesn’t really bother me.

See ya.

AM

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