Day 43

12 Feb

Dear Dad,

I’m a very scared woman. And I still laugh a little when I refer to myself as a “woman” instead of a “girl.”

Because I usually have a hard time keeping myself from saying, “I’m a scared little girl.” Because I am in many ways. But I’m becoming less scared and less a little girl.

But I’ll probably always be scared.

Are you familiar with the Enneagram?  Well, that link really explains it better than I can; but my point is that I’m a 6.  I learned about it in the context of a Christian Enneagram, but this is a quote from the above link:

Sixes are the most anxious type, and the most out of touch with their own sense of inner knowing and confidence. Unlike Fives, Sixes have trouble trusting their own minds, so they are constantly looking outside themselves for something to make them feel sure of themselves. They might turn to philosophies, beliefs, relationships, jobs, savings, authorities, or any combination of the above. But no matter how many security structures they create, Sixes still feel doubtful and anxious. They may even begin to doubt the very people and beliefs that they have turned to for reassurance. Sixes may also respond to their anxiety by impulsively confronting it— defying their fear in the effort to be free of it.

And that would be me to a T.

So sometimes I do “brave” or “fearless” things, but it always comes out of this place of anxiety and fear.  It’s really weird and sort of fascinating.  It would actually be more fascinating if it wasn’t me that it was about but yeah.

I wonder what you’re like?  I wonder if you’re brave or cowardly?  Are you loyal?  Loving?  Funny?

 

AM

 

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