Day 34 (right?)

3 Feb

Dear Dad,

I’ve somehow managed to lose our camera.  And I’ve also lost something that I borrowed from someone like 3 months ago almost.  I’m feeling like a loser in a very literal sense.

I just feel incredibly… broken.  Broke down.  Unable to truly function.  I guess this is normal, but it feels oppressive.  I often find parenthood stifling; mostly in the fact that it doesn’t end (anytime soon, really).  

And, Dad, I’m really introverted.  Like all of my energy gets sucked out of me when I have to be around groups of people; and sometimes even when I’m just around a few people at a time.  Parenting requires me to be “on” a lot more than I feel physically or emotionally capable of being.  There’s always someone around, right?

But I also feel intensely lonely sometimes.  It’s usually at night, when Joe’s at work and the kids are in bed, and I am finally alone for the first time in forever.  It’s great for a few hours, but it gets lonely not having anyone around at all.

I wonder if you’d have any good advice?  Would you even care that I find my life draining and hard a majority of the time?  What kind of life is that to live and ask you into?

Bye,

AM

 

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