Day 18

18 Jan

Dear Dad,

I often feel like an abnormality; like I’m so different how could anyone else possibly experience or feel the way that I do?  Especially growing up not even knowing who you are.

But I feel like so many people I talk to have “daddy issues” of one kind or another.  Somehow even wonderful parents manage to wound their children in some way or another.

And I guess this all just goes back to the fact that nothing in this life is ultimate or will truly fulfill us– not even the most perfect, caring, wonderful parents ever.  So I tend to think that, while I did miss out on something big by not knowing you, I don’t know that it would’ve changed my life so drastically that I wouldn’t experience at least some of the pains, fears, and hurts that I have.

And I do believe that Jesus loved me sacrificially, and that he will continue to even after I “meet” you and whatever may happen with that.  But it does make me sad that not even you, this huge part of who I am in many ways, will be able to make me okay all the time.  It’s sad that you won’t be everything that I ever wanted and needed; that you’ll probably hurt me no matter what; that nothing will be perfect about you even if you are nice.

It’s disappointing (but realistic, obviously) that you won’t fix everything.  You can’t save me from anything, can you?

Maybe one day we’ll meet,



One Response to “Day 18”


  1. Day 19 « Hello, Hernandez. - January 19, 2012

    […] Yesterday’s post/realization still really bums me out.  I guess philosophically I believe that only Jesus can save me, but maybe I keep hoping I’ll find something here and now that will do it, too.  Something that will save me from what exactly?  Just that gaping hole that we all have that’ll only be totally and completely filled when the world is new and Christ has come again.  But I still cling to the idea that maybe something could fill it… and nothing can.  So disappointing. […]

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