Day 2

2 Jan

… and this will be another rushed attempt.  I’m trying to at least make the habit of coming here daily to write a “letter”, so these first several may just be rambles and nothing special.  Thanks for sharing in this with me, though, as I attempt to process and figure things out in my new and improved letter format.

Dear Dad,

I was thinking today about how I always imagine that you’re really rich, and maybe you’d pay for my college debts.  Which always makes me wonder if I even want to meet a real person or just have money thrown at me.  I’m probably not much of what you’d imagine your illegitimate daughter to be, as I’m not really anything special.  So that’s really probably what you are:  a normal guy.  You probably do have your own kids and wife, and I can’t imagine what it’ll be like for you to try to think of me as actually being a part of your family (in terms of blood-relations, anyway).

I wonder if you ever did realize my mom was pregnant after you had slept with her, and I wonder if you ever even thought I could be yours?  But if you were 24 or so (the age I am now), I can’t see that being an easy thing to handle.  Oh, that’s kind of beautiful, isn’t it?  I’m the age you (probably) and my mom were when she got pregnant with me, and I’m looking for you.  Some kind of poetic beauty in that, yeah?

I’m sincerely hoping you don’t royally freak out when I finally send you a real letter,

AM

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